Your list is probably wrong
Not because you want too much. Because the things that are easy to put on a list are almost never the things that decide whether it works.
Most of us have a list somewhere. Written down, or in the notes app, or just running quietly in the background.
Tall. Funny. Has his life together. Wants kids. Likes to travel.
There is nothing wrong with any of that. The problem is subtler and more annoying: the things that make it onto a list are the things that are easy to observe, and the things that decide whether a relationship works are almost never easy to observe.
You can tell someone's height in a photograph. You cannot tell how they behave when you are upset with them.
A type is not a fit
A type is a pattern in who you find attractive. A fit is whether a life together actually functions.
They overlap sometimes. They are not the same thing, and most people can name a period of their life spent being very attracted to someone who was not remotely a fit. Chemistry is real information. It is just information about chemistry.
The uncomfortable version of this: if you keep meeting people who match your list and it keeps not working, the list is not the thing that is broken about your dating life, but it is also not helping.
What actually decides it
When people talk about long relationships that work, the same handful of things come up, and none of them fit neatly on a checklist.
How they handle it when you are upset. Whether they get defensive, disappear, or come and sit down with it.
Whether they can be wrong out loud. This one is enormous. Someone who cannot say I got that wrong will make every disagreement into a fight about whether the disagreement is allowed.
What they do when things are boring. Not hard, boring. A lot of a shared life is unremarkable, and some people cannot tolerate that.
Whether they are curious about you after the part where you are new.
Whether you like who you are around them. Still the most useful one, and the only one you can check on a first date.
Rewriting it
You do not need to throw the list out. You need to translate it, from traits into behavior, and from behavior into how it feels.
Ambitious becomes: he does what he says he is going to do.
Funny becomes: I am not managing the mood in the room.
Has his life together becomes: his problems are being worked on rather than handed to me.
Wants a family becomes: he is warm with people who cannot do anything for him.
Do that with your own list and notice something. The translated version can be checked. You cannot verify ambition in a coffee shop, but you can absolutely notice whether someone followed through on the small thing they mentioned last week.
The part that is harder
Some of the list is not yours.
Some of it is your mother's, or a résumé you assembled to be defensible to other people, or a correction to your last relationship written in the heat of the ending. Those items are the ones that survive longest without ever being examined, because they were never really examined in the first place.
A decent test: for each item, ask what specifically it would give you. If the honest answer is that it would look right, that is worth knowing. Not a crime. Just worth knowing.
Try this
Take five things off your list, and for each one write the ordinary moment it is standing in for.
Not "kind". A moment. He notices the waiter is having a bad night. He asks about the thing you were dreading on Thursday, on Thursday.
Those moments are what you are actually looking for. They are also, conveniently, the thing you can picture, which the traits never were.
Questions people ask
Is it bad to have non-negotiables?
Not at all, and you should have a few. Keep them short and keep them about how a life works together: children, honesty, whether substances are in the picture. Trouble usually starts when preferences quietly get promoted to requirements.
How do you know if your standards are too high?
Standards about behavior are almost never too high. Long lists of specific traits are a different matter, mostly because they filter on things that were never predictive to begin with.
What if I genuinely do not know what I want?
That is more common than admitting it, and it is a fine place to start. Work backwards from moments instead of forwards from traits. Think of a time you felt easy and like yourself with somebody, and describe what was actually happening.